Looking back at yourself
Yesterday I completed my fourth interview with the Central Texas Conference Board of Ordained Ministry. These interviews take place on an annual basis and are required for all candidates for ministry who are in the Residency program in preparation for ordination in the United Methodist Church. With that interview behind me, I have just completed my first year of a three year residency program.
Our church has a very defined and rigorous process for qualifying men and women for ordination which I think is a necessity. I don’t always like the process. It’s very long [I'll tell you how long in a minute] and it does require a lot of work, but ordination is a big deal, a sacred act that should be difficult to achieve. Along the way though, there are some interesting dynamics that you see in a process of this magnitude.
One of those happened to me yesterday when a member of my interview team asked me a question in regards to my psychological evaluation [yes, we require these!] that I completed when I was 22 years old. [I'm 31 now. That's how long the process can be] It was interesting to me because I can barely remember what it was like to be in my late twenties, married without kids, much less, 22, fresh out of college, getting ready to get married, with no seminary training and no real church work experience. So, the question that was posed to me was essentially a request for me to dialogue with a statement I had made when I was 22…
And guess what…
It was a stupid statement.
It was something that I don’t even believe anymore.
It was something that if I heard someone say today, I would strongly oppose.
The only problem was this. I was the one who said it… nine years ago.
Awkward position.
And yet it also gave me the opportunity to reflect on how much has changed in my life in the last nine years. It made me think about several particular experiences that I have had in the past nine years that radically changed my heart and life away from someone who would say something like I said at the wise old age of 22. It gave me the chance to see how God has taken my initial passion and energy for ministry and reshaped that around a clearer vision of what the “redeeming” work of God’s kingdom is really all about.
And today it’s a reminder to me that what God really requires of us is simply a willing heart.
With a willing heart, God can do amazing work. We don’t have to have all the answers. We don’t have to all the necessary skills.
Just a heart that says, “yes.”
“I’m willing to learn. I’m willing to serve. I’m willing to be changed in order to participate in the changing of others.”
That’s the word that I received from yesterday’s interview. A reminder that my highest calling is to continually place my heart and life on God’s table, willing and ready for him to continue the work of “reformation” in my life.
What has God done in your life in the last nine years?
What is it that you need to stop right now and thank God for doing in your heart in the last great season of your life?
Take a look back… You just might be surprised how far you’ve come.
Excellent stuff. I believe our ability to minister (churcy word for “serve”) depends directly on our openness to learning and growth, which, I think, depends on our ability to reflect on our past and from whence we’ve come.
Thanks for sharing this. When I think back 9 years, I have so much to be thankful for – for the place I was then, and for continued growth and transformation since.
Thanks for sharing this David. As someone who is in the process with you, I look back at some of the things I said/wrote even 3 years ago, and I ask myself “what I was thinking?!”
Taking these opportunities to grow are important as we strive to be more like Jesus.
I must admit that sometimes I wish I had kept copies of my paperwork (from 21 and 28 years ago now) just to see: 1) how much I thought I knew then; and 2) how much I didn’t know yet.