An addiction or an excuse? Pt. II
The following is a guest post written by Bryan Atkinson, a friend of mine who is Christian Counselor. Bryan offices out of Community of Hope UMC in Mansfield. You can contact him at bryan@communityofhope.com or 817-228-8636.
When treating any addiction, it’s imperative that you dig down to the deeper issues. Too often, we get caught up in treating the symptoms. An alcoholic focuses on not drinking, the drug addict focuses on avoiding drugs, etc. But why does the addict feel compelled to risk everything for one drink, for one moment of euphoria. We can get so wrapped in avoiding the drug of choice, that recovery focuses solely on sobriety. This is what I called “White Knuckled Sobriety”…. (Don’t mess up. Don’t mess up. Don’t mess up) Every waking moment is focused on avoiding the drug of choice rather than digging deeper into the root cause. Too often, addicts focus solely on how to avoid their drug of choice instead of exploring why they became an addict in the first place.
One night, after a sex addiction group session, a guy asked me if I adhered to the 12 step recovery model. I went into a long diatribe about the pros and cons of this model. He said, “Well that’s too bad. Because I’ve been sober for 12 years. One day at a time. God willing.” And then he walked out the door. And I felt really bad for the guy.
After twelve years, every morning, the first thing this guy thinks about when he gets out of bed is, “Don’t look at porn today.” How very depressing.
[I don't dislike the 12 steps, it's just that too often people get put their faith in the steps instead of Christ. Too often get caught up in 'quitting' instead of diving below the surface an discovering why they have a problem in the first place.]
This doesn’t sound like the freedom in Christ that is promised in scripture. This is far from the liberty in Christ that we are promised. This sounds like bondage to recovery. Instead, we should look at recovery as an onion. The outer layers are the symptoms. The inner layers are where the real problems lie. The outer layers are drugs, alcohol and porn. The inner layers are filled with selfishness, pride, and entitlement. It’s unique for each individual, but it’s imperative that these inner layers are addressed.
Otherwise, the addict will simply replace one addiction for another. Take one layer, strip it off and replace it with a new layer that looks different, but in reality, serves the same purpose. I’ve seen Alcoholics Anonymous meetings where an addict says that they’ve been sober for 10 years, while they have a cup of coffee in one hand, a cigarette in the other and a bowl of chocolates in the middle of the room.
Ultimately, any addiction is seeking to change how we feel. A sex addiction, specifically, is seeking intimacy. Pornography and other sexual addictive behaviors are simply a form of false intimacy. They leave the addict feeling empty and hollow. Yet continually men and women will risk everything to fill this emotional void.
