Several people asked me for a list of the questions that I read at the end of the message this past weekend. I promised I would post them here on the blog. Here they are.

What are you afraid of? What do you find yourself worrying about again and again and again? What is the unintended outcome that you can’t seem to get out of your head? What keeps you up at night?

How do you feel when things don’t go your way? Is it OK for you to make a mistake or does one wrong move seem to send you spinning out of control? Do you expect perfection from yourself or from others? How do you deal with a situation where you find yourself disappointed with yourself or someone else?

What does fear do to you? Do you find yourself trying to speed up to keep pace when you feel afraid? Do you find yourself drawing back into yourself, pulling back from relationships that are important to you? Do you ever feel exhausted from your stress? Do you have an appreciate for the emotional and spiritual damage that fear can cause in your life? Can the people who know you best see that damage? ?

Do you ever feel helpless? Do you ever worry that you’re not good enough? Do you sometimes feel like you are somehow lacking something in your life? That in some ways you don’t measure up to a particular standard? Who sets that standard in your life? It is you, a person who is close to you? Your parent? God? How do you think God feels about you and your life? If you were to picture God’s face, what expression do you see? Is God mad at you? Upset with you? Can you picture God smiling at you?

Do you believe that God loves you, believes in you, hopes for you, and is working in you? Do you believe that God cares about you, about the people that you care about, about the future you have imagined for yourself or those you love?

Do you know what it’s like to be paralyzed by fear? What would it look like to instead be motivated by love?

I’m anxious this morning.

If you know me well, this should not be a surprise.

Anxiety has been and continues to be an issue that I struggle with on a regular basis. I will be the first to admit that I’m a little embarrassed by that confession. I am not proud of it. Instead, it is something that I would prefer to hide from everyone, but it is the truth.

Anxiety is a struggle for me.

This morning I’m feeling what I describe as the “shortness of breath” anxiety. Maybe you’ve felt it before. It’s the worry that tries to speed everything up, to make you work and think faster. Picture a spinning top and you get the idea. The interesting thing about that picture is that when you see a top smoothly dancing across a particular surface it seems like if could keep on spinning forever.

But then something happens.

It begins to falter and wobble a bit, and before you know it, it all comes crashing down.

That’s what my anxiety does to me sometimes. It gets me spinning at a pace I cannot sustain, and it tricks me into believing that I am going to make it… that I can actually sustain myself against the forces that might cause me to falter.

But eventually…
Just like that spinning top…
I crash.

Because anxiety, left unattended, always leads to a crash.

The interesting thing is that it never seems to be the crash that I’m expecting.

For instance, if I’m worried about a message I have to share, it almost always ends up going better than expected. In other words, the outcome that I’m worried about rarely materializes. Things usually work out just fine.

The crash happens later when the physical and mental exhaustion sets in. The crash happens in the margins of my life when the energy I might need to spend time with my kids or take time away with my wife is missing. It’s experienced when I feel so mentally taxed that I can not seem to rest well. It happens when my own spiritual vitality does not get the attention it deserves.

It seem counterintuitive, but the truth I’ve discovered is that anxiety often does not affect my work. It causes the most damage in the area of my rest.

All this reminds me of a quote from a fantastic book that I have read over and over again by Mark Buchanan entitled “The Rest of God.” He writes,

Real Sabbath, the kind that empties and fills us, depends on complete confidence and trust. And confidence and trust like that are rooted in a deep conviction that God is good and God is sovereign.

Mark continues,

There’s no rest for those who don’t believe that. If God works all things together for good for those who love him and call to his purposes, you can relax. If he doesn’t, start worrying. If God can take any mess, any mishap, any wreckage, any anything, and choreograph beauty and meaning from it, then you can take a day off. If he can’t get busy. Either God’s always at work, watching the city, building the house, or you need to try harder.

Mark’s book has had a profound impact on me. It has not made my anxiety disappear. I still experience moments like this morning where anxiety seems to get a foothold into my heart, but this wisdom as well as the wisdom of others who have encouraged and instructed me has helped me know where to turn when I feel this way.

And so in the midst of my “shortness of breath” anxiety this morning, I am taking a few deep breaths and reminding myself of these essential truths.

God is good.
God is sovereign.
God is working.

And that work that God is doing is for good…
so yes…

I can relax.
I can take a deep breath.
Everything is going to be just fine.

I want to be a more creative person.

That’s one of the goals that I have for myself in this new year. It still sounds a bit strange to me to say it because I have never thought of myself as someone who had any potential in the “creative” arena.

Let me explain.

Art was never my favorite subject as child.
I was fascinated by art. I always wanted to be able to draw and to create with my hands, but I was never very good. As a result, I thought creativity was just something that was missing from my DNA.

It took me several years into my work as a pastor to realize that creativity was actually a really essential part of what I do. I had never thought of the practice of preparing and delivering messages and teachings on a regular basis as an “art form,” but in more recent years that is precisely how I have begun to understand that work.

This has been a really key learning for me because it has helped me to see that the same forces that inhibit great art and restrain creativity are also present in my art as well.

In his book, “Untitled,” Blaine Hogan writes,

It is the artist’s job to accept that the work will be very, very hard; to understand the importance of deep reflection, and to fight the forces of fear and resistance, all in the name of filling blank pages and creating beauty.

He continues later on in the book saying,

I know a lot of people with a lot of really great ideas but only a few who actually end up making things… Talent is rarely the issue, if you’re wondering. No, the real issue is whether or not we’re willing to risk our reputations to do the painful work work required to create great things.

I have long thought of my own personal creativity to be the result of great inspiration.
I thought I needed to be in the right environment.
[You might picture a nice lakeside cottage early in the morning while the fog is still rolling off the water and I'm sipping a nice hot cup of coffee first thing in the morning.]

Don’t get me wrong. I still trust that much of what I do continues to be guided by the “inspiration” of the Holy Spirit.
I strongly believe that any work that God does through us is dependent on the work God is doing in us.

But I am beginning to understand that my own commitment to doing the work, putting in some long and hard hours, and investing my mental energy in the sometimes arduous creative process is critical to producing anything that might be meaningful, fresh and, hopefully, inspired.

And so this goal to become a more creative person is really about one thing in my estimation.
It’s about being more courageous, facing my fears, and fighting back against the resistance that I sometimes feel.
It’s doing something every single day that is hard because each time I do it my courage grows a little bit more.

For me, that means that one of the “measurables” of growth in this area is to sit down to write something every single day. That will probably lead to some more frequent content here on the blog. More than that, I hope it translates into a greater sense of confidence in myself to do the hard work, and in turn, be a more creative person.

This is the first area of my life where I want to grow in 2012.

This post is from a series written in January 2012. To view other posts in this series, click below. 
A. Setting Goals for the New Year
B. Setting Goals for 2012 pt. I

Today is the second day of a new year.

2011 has taken a back seat to 365 days of new possibilities… Actually, 364.
It is, after all, the second day of the new year.

Since college I have given some thought to setting some goals for myself when the calendar turns from one year to the next. I find the first few days of January to be energizing and filled with hope. It’s a time to start over… to regroup… to be intentional about preparing for what may lie ahead.

For me I have always thought of a new year as a time to challenge myself, to push my boundaries a bit, and consider what my next steps should be to in order to keep growing.

Because at the end of 2012, I want to be able to say, “I’m different now…”
And I want that realization to be an affirmation of hard work and discipline, not a recognition of missed opportunities or a sign of regressing from past progress.

I think growth is the foundation of a life with Christ. The pursuit of it should always be at the top of our priorities. In many ways I believe that change is inevitable, but whether or not that change will represent growth or regression is up to us.

This year I’m seeking to be intentional about growth in four areas of my life.

Creativity
Leadership
Physical Health
Relational Intimacy

I know the last one sounds strange. I promise to explain. In fact, I’m going to write about each of these areas in the next few days.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear how you are taking stock of where you are right now as a new year begins, and in what areas of your life you feel God calling you to grow.

Here’s some questions to stir that reflection.

• How are you different today than you were 365 days ago?
• Has the change in your life been a step forward or a step back?
• What did you intentionally do this year that led to positive change in your life?
• What could you have done differently to steer clear of any negative change you experienced?
• What’s one thing you need to keep doing to maintain positive momentum?
• What’s one thing you need to stop doing to remove any barriers to future growth?
• In what areas of your life do you need to be intentional about growth in 2012?

My wife and I are a few minutes away from boarding our flight bound for Newark airport. We hope to get into the city tonight to have dinner with a few other members of our team. If all goes according to plan, we will be in Times Square tonight.

Since July, I have run a little over 300 miles in preparation for my run through the streets of N York on Sunday.

I still can’t believe it’s here.

3 days, 12 hours, 17 minutes…

There is still time to join our support team. More info is here.