The Emotional Healthy Church quotes

The following quotes are from The Emotionally Healthy Church which is available for purchase here.

The sad truth is that too little difference exists, in terms of emotional and relational maturity, between God’s people inside the church and those outside who claim no relationship to Jesus Christ. 17

Making incarnation the top priority in order to love others well is both the climax and point of the entire book. The church is to be known, above all else, as a community that radically and powerfully loves others. Sadly, this is not generally our reputation. 18

The problem was that we had died to the wrong things. We mistakenly thought that dying to ourselves for the sake of the Gospel meant dying to self-care, to feelings of sadness, to anger, to grief, to doubt, to struggles, to our healthy dreams and desires, and to passions we had enjoyed before our marriage. 22

My life became out of balance, and I slowly bought into the lie that the more I suffered for Christ, the more he would love me. I began to fell guilty about taking too much time off and enjoying places like the beach. 23

Bob often prayed, “Let my hear be broken by the things that break the heart of God.” 39

For example, when one of his daughters attempted suicide, she phoned him on one of his overseas trips and asked him to come home soon.

“ I just needed to feel Daddy’s arms around me,” she later explained.

Nothing required him to stay there in the Far East. He could have taken the next flight home. His wife pleaded with him to return. Instead, sensing the urgency and demands of so many people in need around him, he booked a flight to Vietnam.

By the final year of his life, at the age of sixty-four, Bob Pierce was alienated from everyone in his immediate family. 40

“I didn’t know it at the time, but I was running on all gifts and no grace,” admits Rogers. “I was blinded to my own emptiness and emotional abyss.” After every monthly church board meeting, he would cry and physically tremble. 42

The emotional stability of American homes is at an all-time low. In the United States at the same time of this writing, about half of all marriages end in divorce. What is perhaps most shocking is that the divorce rate in several states traditionally known as the Bible Belt is among the highest in the country. George Barna has documented that the recent divorce rate for people who describe themselves as Christians is even higher than for the public as a whole. 43

Contemporary discipleship models often lift up the spiritual over the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual components of who we are. Nowhere, however, does a good biblical theology allow such a division. 49

I believe the thesis of this book-that emotional health and spiritual hearth are inseparable-will amount to a Copernican revolution for many in the Christian community. It is not possible for a Christian to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature. 50

For this reason, it takes work, energy, inconvenience, time, courage, solitude, and a solid understanding of the grace of God in the Gospel to grow in Christlikeness. 55

Most leaders shipwreck or live inconsistent lives because of forces and motivations beneath the surface of their lives, which they have never even considered. 71

He wrote, “The longest journey of any person is the journey inward.” 72

Scripture portrays Jesus as one who had intense, raw, emotional experiences and was able to express his emotions in unashamed, unembarrassed freedom to others. Instead, we read of Jesus responsibly experiencing the full range of human emotion throughout his earthly ministry. In today’s language, he would be considered emotionally intelligent, a term popularized by Daniel Goleman today. 75

For some of us, a simple but helpful exercise to begin the process of paying attention to our emotions is to listen to our physical body’s reactions in situations-a knot in the stomach, a tension headache, teeth grinding, hands or arms clenched, palms becoming sweaty, neck tightening, foot tapping, or insomnia. Ask yourself, “What might my body be telling me about my feelings right now?” 76

In the past I spent hours with God, beseeching him to accomplish my agenda and plans. However, now I spend much more time in a quiet place alone with my feelings, wrestling with the “why” question in an open, contemplative way before God and listening to him. 80

Blaise Pascal wrote: “All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone.” 80

The Gospel says you are more sinful and flawed that you ever dared believe, yet you are more accepted and loved than you ever dared hope because Jesus lived and died in your place. 81

Assuming each of my children marries and has children and that continues on, and that each of them lives to eighty years of age, the influence of my choices today will continue until at least A.D. 2318! That’s four generations. 92

No matter what kind of ministry you lead, most of the people involved will bring emotional “baggage” from their families. When you are in a meeting with six other people, there are really many other invisible people present at that table. 105

Twenty-first-century culture measures strength in terms of power. IF you are a celebrity, a physically beautiful or wealthy individual, a professional athlete, and accomplished lawyer, a doctor, or a successful politician, you are considered strong. Brilliant people dazzle us with their intellectual and verbal abilities. Contemporary church culture has largely bought into the world’s definition of power and strength. We look for building, finances, numbers of people, and large budgets to demonstrate the strength and success of our churches and ministries. 116

Boundaries, simply defined, are the realization that I am separate person, apart from others. They represent “what is me and what is not me.” Boundaries show where you end and someone else begins. With proper boundaries I know what I am and am not responsible for. 147

We sang and studied psalms of adoration, psalms of thanksgiving, psalms of lament, psalms of wisdom, psalms of trust, and psalms about the poor and oppressed. 166

There is a marvelous story told about a four-year-old girl who awoke one night frightened-convinced that in the darkness around her there were all kinds of spooks and monsters. Alone, she ran to her parents’ bedroom. Her mother calmed her down and, taking her by the hand, led her back to her own room, where she put on a light and reassured the child with these words: “You needn’t be afraid, you are not alone here. God is in the room with you.”

The child replied, “I know that God is here, but I need someone in this room who has some skin!” 175

I was reminded of that stinging voice who once said to me in so many words, “Pete, as long as your God is not warmth and touch and compassion I think I will remain an agnostic.” 176

It became difficult to distinguish between loving people for who they are versus using them for how they could join with the mission. Did I need these people to be converted to Christ in order to build the church or my program? Or could I simply delight in them as created beings made in the image of God? 176

David Augsburger has summed this up well:” Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.” 181

Research has shown that unless people do something with what they hear in a teaching within forty-eight to seventy-two hours, they are simply accumulating nice ideas that never get integrated into their lives. 182

As I sit, I close my eyes and reflect on the experience of asking people, “What is it like to be you? To walk in your skin?” I am aware of the truth that when we go out of ourselves and live briefly in the world of another person, we never return to our own lives the same person. 191

Making incarnation a priority disrupts the church’s priority and definition of success. It is no longer simply doing more, “fixing” people, or arranging he world into something we consider God-glorifying. It is about loving well. 192

In a sense we are all lobsters. In order to grow, lobsters have to rid themselves of their old, hard, protective shell and grow a new, larger one. This process of shedding an old shell is called molting. They do this about twenty-five times in the first five years of life and once a year after they become adults.

It is an ugly, messy process. Under the pressure, the old, hard, protective shell cracks. Then the lobster lies on its side, flexes its muscles, leaving off the old shell and the hardening of a new one-the lobster is naked, feeling very vulnerable to the elements.

In the same way, our growth into Christlikeness requires we get rid of our old, hard, protective shells and allow God to take us to a new place in him. Obviously, reading a book like this does not ensure that a person or a church will do so. It calls for a commitment to do the hard work-one day at a time. 197

“Thirst: God and the Alcoholic Experience” quotes

The following quotes are from Thirst: God and the Alcoholic Experience. It is available for purchase here.

In that earlier process I discovered something that Andre Maurois described well. He observed that the need to express oneself in writing typically springs from unresolved inner conflicts. It is not a matter of having found an answer to the problem, Maurois said, but rather having discovered the problem and desiring a solution. The solution that typically comes, however, is not a resolution of the problem but rather a deeper consciousness of the issues. It is consciousness of the issues. It is a consciousness born of having wrestled with the attempt to express the problem. 3

Drunk or sober, never personally affected by chemical addiction or living with that issue, we are much more alike than different. 4

Chemical dependency is a social disease. I did not contract my alcoholism in solitary splendor. My genes, relationships, and environment had something to do with it. Likewise, for many of us recovery is a social process. Though bookstores typically display recovery literature in the “Self Help” section that notion did not apply to me. 4

John Barbour writes, “At its [autobiography’s] heart lies bios. Bios in autobiography dos not mean simply the temporal span of organic existence, but the ‘sense of life’ of an individual: all that gives meaning and purpose to a person’s existence in time.’ Thus, in telling her story, the person is not simply reciting a series of events, however significant they might be. She is also disclosing what it is that really gives her life and what makes life worth living for her. She is, in short, telling the story of her faith-the story of what she most deeply trusts. 15

Related to this criticism is a third: religion is perfectionistic. It is for people who claim or aspire to holiness. Some of us who are recovering people, however, know that perfectionism was our problem and cannot be our answer. It was one of the major dynamics behind our drinking, and if we are to get sober and stay sober it will not be through a program for saints but through a humble fellowship of sinners. 21

Even those of us whose experience has been much more positive (as mine has been) do well to remember what good theology has always known: religion is a highly ambiguous and risky venture. The source of amazingly creative goodness and self-sacrifice, it is also one of the most dangerous of all human enterprises, for it tempts its adherents to confuse themselves with God. 22

“There is within us a fundamental dis-ease, an unquenchable fire that renders us incapable, in this life, of ever coming to full peace. This desire lies at the center of our lives, in the marrow of our bones, and in the deep recesses of the soul.” 23

It is that of which St. Augustine spoke in his oft-quoted prayer: “Thou has created us for thyself, O God, so that our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee.” 23

Such perceptions are also bad news for recovery. IF I can externalize the problem and locate it “out there” then I do not have to change. IF the fundamental problem lies in alcohol itself, then I only need to avoid the evil substance. But that is a recipe for trouble, for we live in an alcohol-soaked society, and we who are recovering need to learn to live with the substance all around us. It is we who must change if there is to be lasting recovery. 32

So it is, even when to solution is so circular and so self-defeating. In Saint-Exupery’s classic fairy tale, the little prince visits a strange land inhabited by “a tippler.” The boy asks the tippler what he is doing, and the man replies that he is drinking. When the little prince then asks why he is drinking, the man replies that he drinks so that he may forget. “Forget what?” asks the prince. “Forget that I am ashamed,” replies the tippler. Wanting to help him, the prince then asks the man what he is ashamed of. “Ashamed of drinking,” comes the reply. 33

“Alcoholics drink so much because they hurt so much, but their excessive drinking increases the painful feelings that made alcohol so attractive in the first place. Thus a vicious, self-feeding cycle of increased drinking to overcome the painful effects of previous excessive drinking is established.” 40

“Jim,” he would say, “you have come here with a huge load of shame and guilt, and it is paralyzing you. Until you internalize the fact that you have a disease, your recovery will not go anywhere. You are not responsible for being and alcoholic, any more than a diabetic is responsible for being a diabetic. But now that you know you are an alcoholic, you are responsible or your recovery, just as diabetics are responsible for their diets and their insulin. Can you understand that?” 49

Alcoholics can suffer from it in many ways. For example, certain religious groups that exalt self-control and personal discipline are sometimes tempted to personify “evil,” piling it onto the goat and driving the animal away. In this case, the active alcoholic is the one driven away with condescending pity or thinly disguised disgust. But if we are persuaded that alcoholism is more adequately understood as disease than as moral failure, we are dealing with something quite different than we had thought. 50

Without a doubt, it was the most unbelievable experience of my life. Nothing rational or prudential about it, it numbed self-critical ethical reflection. I do not expect nonalcoholics to understand this. I am very glad they have been spared the experience. I only ask them to listen to alcoholics tell their stories, and then acknowledge the utter reality of those stories for the alcoholics. It is not a rational experience. It is a diseased craziness. 55

As is commonly said, this is the one disease a major feature of which is its ability to convince you that you do not have it. I did not succumb fatalistically to heavier drinking because I had become persuaded that I was a likely alcoholic through family inheritance. Quite the opposite. I staunchly denied my alcoholism to the end. My increasingly heavy drinking was due to the dynamics of the disease itself, including organic brain changes. It was not due to a feeling of genetic fatalism. Nor was it an embrace of the disease concept that delayed my sobriety. Quite the opposite, it was my moralism. S long as I believed my alcohol abuse resulted essentially from a failure of willpower and character, I kept struggling to reform and improve. And I kept resisting treatment. Hadn’t effort and willpower always worked in every other area of my life? In fact, I firmly believed that nay concession that I was alcoholic would be disastrous. It would undercut my self-esteem and shake all confidence in myself. What I needed, I thought, was more self-confidence-not less-if I were to deal successfully with my drinking problem. So I kept struggling to control my drinking, and I continued to drink. 56

In Pilgrim at Tinker Creek Annie Dillard tells of an Inuit hunter’s question to the local missionary priest who had come to spread the Christian faith in the Alaskan village. “’If I didn’t know about God and sin, would I go to hell?’ ‘No,’ said the priest, ‘not if you did not know.’ ‘Then why,’ asked the Eskimo earnestly, ‘did you tell me?’”58

By its very nature science presses for answers, not for living the questions. But theology reminds me that now I must live into the questions, accepting the fact that more facts will never be enough. 70

How true it is, as the philosopher say, “Addictions are acts of violence directed at our own insignificance.” 115

“Unleashing the Word” quotes

The following quotes are from Adam Hamilton’s book. Unleashing the Word. It is available for purchase here.

I understand that in preaching we are assuming the terrifying responsibility of speaking on behalf of God. This should be a frightening proposition-one misstep and we find ourselves violating the third commandment by misusing the name of the Lord, while misleading or potentially damaging our hearers. 12

We believe that in and through the Bible God offers us a timeless word for our lives and for our world today. 12

As with most successful ventures, I believe effective preaching must start with the end in mind, and then a plan must be developed to accomplish that end. 15

Today I have sermon series outlines for the next two years. Those for then next twelve months have dates, titles, and basic ideas for each sermon. The sermons coming up in the next two series have detailed outlines with major themes. Our staff have access to these themes and are encouraged to plan to tie in to these themes wherever possible. 20

There is nothing I do as a pastor that has a greater impact upon every part of the church’s ministry, or touches more people, than the sermon. If the sermons are of a consistently high quality, people invite their friends to church, longtime church members grow in their faith and in their commitment to Christ, the offerings are stronger, and every other ministry area in the church benefits. Likewise if the sermons are weaker, every other ministry in the church can be adversely affected. 35

“The Spark” quotes

The following quotes are from a book entitled, The Spark, written by Lyn Heward & John U. Bacon. The book chronicles the writer’s journey behind the scenes at Cirque du Soleil. To purchase your copy, click here.

Ian added, “Do you know the definition of a good show? I shrugged. “A good show is one where only we know what went wrong!” 15

Diane noticed my lingering gaze. “You’ll see our show posters all over the building. It’s important to remind people that whatever they do for Cirque du Soleil-whether they’re acrobats or accountants-these shows are why you do what you do. It helps keep us motivated.” 24

“In tough negotiations, we hold our meetings in here, because once a phone company or computer manufacturer or accounting firm sees what we do, they want to be a part of it.” 26

Passion is key to everything we do, and those without it don’t last long. 28

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“In the Name of Jesus” quotes

The following quotes come from Henri Nouwen’s book, In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership. To purchase your copy, click here.

This experience was and, in many ways, is still the most important experience of my new life, because it forced me to rediscover my true identity. These broken, wounded, and completely unpretentious people forced me to let go of my relevant self-the self that can do things, show things, prove things, build things-and forced me to reclaim that unadorned self in which I am completely vulnerable, open to receive and give love regardless of any accomplishments. 28

One of the most painful realizations for many Christian leaders is that fewer and fewer young people feel attracted to follow in their footsteps. 32

Beneath all the great accomplishments of our time there is a deep current of despair. While efficiency and control are the great aspirations of our society, the loneliness, isolation, lack of friendship and intimacy, broken relationships, boredom, feelings of emptiness and depression, and a deep sense of uselessness fill the hearts of missions and people in our success-oriented world. 33

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The incomplete Kingdom

Over the next several days, I will be posting many of the quotes that I have found important from my readings over the past six months. I have a wonderful wife who types those up for me during her summer break. I archive those quotes here to be used in sermon prep. and teaching, but they are available to all here under the “readings” category.

As I was reviewing some quotes from Brian McLaren’s book, The Secret Message of Jesus, I found this short poem that I wanted to share. If you are interested in more prayers and readings like this, you can check out the “prayers” category here on my blog as well.

We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of

The magnificent enterprise that is God’s work.

Nothing we do is complete,

Which is another way of saying

That the kingdom always lies beyond us.

No statement says all that could be said.

No prayer fully expresses our faith.

No confession brings perfection…

No set of goals and objectives includes everything.

This is what we are about:

We plant seeds that one day will grow.

We water seeds already planted,

Knowing that they hold future promise.

We lay foundations that will need further development.

We provide yeast that produces effects beyond our capabilities.

We cannot do everything

And there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.

This enables us to do something,

And to do it very will.

It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning , a step along he way,

An opportunity for God’s grace to enter and to the rest.

We may never see the end results…

We are prophets of a future not our own.

Secret Message p.206

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A life free from conflict…

Conflict is inevitable because leadership means change, and change provokes resistance. If you are looking for a life free from conflict, make sure you don’t become a leader or a preacher. (19)

The above quote is from a great book I am reading, 360-Degree Leadership: Preaching to transform congregations, by Michael J. Quicke. I’ll post more about it later, but it’s basic thesis is the role of leading and the role of preaching cannot be divorced. Quicke gives critique to the modern day fascination (both inside the church and in the business world) with “leadership” that he believes has not only devalued the role of preaching but has also separated this function from the critical role in plays in the work of a leader. Another quote illustrates this.

Instead of claiming that leadership is supremely important and that preaching supports it, let’s assert that preaching is supremely important and leadership flows out of it. (55)

So far, great read. I highly recommend it.

Great Quote

I apologize for being pretty sporadic with my posts here of late. It’s been a weird couple of weeks. Not terribly busy. I’ve actually felt pretty balanced. Things have been going crazy all around me, but my life has been pretty calm… which is what’s strange about my lack of blogging. I think I’ve just been giving my brain a rest. It’s been nice.

Anyways, I’m sharing this quote tonight at Mosaic. If you’ve never read Velvet Elvis, do yourself a favor and pick it up for a little spring break reading.

“Everybody follows somebody. All of us make decisions every day about what is important, hot to treat peolle, and what to do with our lives. These decisions come from what we believe about every aspect of our existence. And we got our beliefs from somewhere…

Everybody is following somebody. Everybody has faith is something and somebody.

We are all believers.

As a Christian I am simply trying to orient myself around living a particular kind of way, the kind of way that Jesus taught is possible. And I think that the way of Jesus is the best possible way to live.

The isn’t irrational or primitive or blind faith. It is merely being honest that we all are living a “way.”

I’m convinced that being generous is a better way to live.

I’m convinced forgiving people and not carrying around bitterness is a better way to live.

I’m convinced having compassion is a better way to live.

I’m convinced pursuing peace is every situation is a better way to live.

I’m convinced listening to the wisdom of others is a better way to live.

I’m convinced being honest with people is a better way to live.

This way of thinking isn’t weird or strange; it is simply acknowledging that everybody follows somebody, and I’m trying to follow Jesus.”

Velvet Elvis, 19-21

Landlessness

For Stewardship class, I am reading Walter Brueggemann’s book, The Land. So far a pretty interesting read. Here’s a quote from chapter one.

“Exile is being cut off with no way back. But strangely, this “null” point also became the context for Israel’s most remarkable expression of faith, the lyrical celebration of God’s faithfulness to exiles. Landlessness becomes the setting for the boldest gospel of newness. Israel had a hint of the possibility of newness that perhaps could only happen there. Precisely in the context of landlessness do the promises loom large. It is in the emptiness of Israel, exposed and without resources, that promises are received with power, that risks are run and hope is energizing.”

I have spent a considerable amount of time over the past year studying about the exile and trying to more clearly understand how this culture upheaval affected the social, political and religious landscape at the time of Jesus. The more I’ve read, the more I’ve come to understand that the exile and the loss of the promised land cannot be overlooked if one wants to understand the trajectory of Jesus’ teaching. You have to tap into that sense of loss to grasp the full potential of the Gospel message that Jesus brings. If you don’t know what it means to be in exile… If you don’t know what it’s like to be lost..

Paul says that it is in our weakness that we find strength. Jesus says we discover life when we give away our life. It is when we find ourselves empty that hope’s full potential can begin to be realized in our lives.

During the lenten season, I hope to spend some time thinking about the empty spaces in my life.

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“They like Jesus, but not the Church”

The title of this post is the name of Dan Kimball’s latest book that just released. This is a book that I’ve been looking forward to reading for quite a while now. I attended a seminar of Dan’s a few years ago and much of what he shared was the beginning of this book project. If you’ve had the chance to hear Dan speak or attend one of his seminars, you have probably been a bit taken aback by Dan’s quiet spirit. (Especially if you saw a picture of him first!) What I have been impressed with is the way he communicates his genuine concern and desire to listen to those outside the church.

Questions addressed in the book include:

• Isn’t the church just organized religion that is politically motivated?
• Is the church homophobic?
• Does it take the entire Bible literally?
• Does the church repress women?
• Is it judgmental and negative?
• Does it arrogantly think all other religions are wrong?

If you are interested in reading a sample from this book, click here.

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